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red.. [em]

February 28th, 2004

11:48 pm - what's on top of the world when you get there?
's been a while
fuck you

not much going on.. ever...
today was ali's marathon
it was cool
the only anime i watched was episode 5 of cowboy bebop
but i played some ddr
squall is godly
i found that out.. again..

i sat around playing games
and talking to clara
until april got there
everytime the dog would bark
i knew someone had walked in
and the 3rd time this happened it was april
she got there at 4
cuz she mistimed her hair stuff
's not her fault though
and it's all good
she got her hair cut a few inches above her shoulders
she looks amazing with it
i couldn't picture her with any other hair style
cuz i've always seen her with the long hair
it's really cool

but she only stayed for 2 hours
cuz her mom sucks

hopefully tomorrow will work out
ima hafta wake up early-ish to contact her
if things work out right
she'll be able to come over at 4:30 or so
and i can help her with geometry
'shouldn't be too hard..
i hope i know what she has to learn

i changed my bass tuning
i just got sick of standard
dropped the first 2 strings down
it's now A-D-A-D-G
it's cool


powerman is the shit

in reality:
tomorrow's probably going to turn out like shit
worst case scenario will probably happen
i'll tell my dad to be home by 4
and tell april to be here at 4:30
and she comes
and neither of my parents are home
and her mom takes her home
and no longer trusts me at all
and thinks i would have tried to rape her
and will probably hate me for a long time
meaning tuesday won't work
and i'll never get a ride from her again
and it'll just be bad

kagerou is the shit
i'm going to bed
good night


[mrofsnart llew sa thgim uoy ,gnol taht tsal t'now uoy]
Current Mood: worried
Current Music: powerman 5000 - A is for Apathy

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February 22nd, 2004

05:04 pm - t3h suxxor
not much here
spent yesterday with april
freaking wind...

i move to attack
yoshiki is the best drummer in the world
of all time
better than joey jordison
x-japan is cool. oldschool metal.

i don't know if their lyrics are english or japanese
but the names are cool
my favourite: silent jealousy

i don't know if i'm going to otakon
it's not like i'd accomplish anything
and it's not really important
i'd do nothing but see people
whom i hate
because they worship stuff Because it's japanese
sure, i like the country
but mainly cuz it's so different than america
i want to see something new
i want to see the cyberpunk haven in my head in real life
and from what i've seen, it's in tokyo at midnight
so eff off
i'm not an otaku

i got the ut2k4 beta yesterday
it's awesome shit
if the final has maps for team death match and ctf and shit
with vehicles
it'll be the best multiplayer fps Ever.

i react badly
when hope is shattered
before i even get it

and i want taco bell goddamn it!
i think they put crack in their quesadillas

~~nameless face
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: X-Japan - orgasm

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February 18th, 2004

08:28 pm - right
didn't go to school today
woke up too late and decided to stay home
learned to play 24ko cylinder
no big deal
i have to remember it
i'm training for otakon
my next goal: hit up the karaoke room (you can karaoke on instruments at otakon)
and be the best bassist there
fat chance
so far i can play cage, child prey,
myaku, and now 24 ko cylinder
child prey and cylinder are only on a 5 string though
and i don't know the fills in cage
i have a long way to go
i'm not going to make it

mainly waited online for april all day
and she finally got on
and we decided on what to do saturday
and she doesn't really care
and she has a headache
so, much to my silent disdain,
i'm not talking to her
even though i waited all day to do so
whatever's best for her, i guess
i'm just a fucking crybaby

on saturday we're just going to walk around
for an hour
if we're lucky as fuck
cuz her mom is normally stingy as fucking hell for no reason
and now she has mono
i'm only counting on a half hour
so we can pick up april's book..
and say goodbye..
whatever though
she wants to walk around instead of going to a movie
which could possibly buy us more time
but i owe her cuz i drag her to stupid movies all the time
cuz i just like to sit next to her for hours
and i know she hates it
and i don't know why she puts up with me
but she wants to walk around this time
and she has mono
so we're doing what she wants

haven't seen her for 5 weeks
and we get to walk around for an hour
because her mom sucks
and i'm getting quite sick of her mom's shit like this
but i can't say anything about it
it doesn't matter anyway
i'm just a fucking baby

Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: mushroomhead - the wrist

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February 14th, 2004

11:19 pm
april said she'd be my valentine
but.. it's not right
bear had her first
he's a lucky bastard
and he doesn't even know it

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04:51 pm - valentines day
so.. it's valentines day
4:52 pm

april's out with her valentine
showing him in some competition at the armory
sean's over at his valentine's house
liz is at dance, upset with no valentine
i asked my bass to be my valentine
and she said 'no'
so i'm here alone
but why bitch about being alone on valentines day?
everyone's alone on valentines day
just for pity


there's too much
not enough
there's too much
not enough
there's too much

i played some warcraft
2 wins
2 losses
i have a new strategy
super ghouls
you take 2 squads of ghouls
one led by a death night
one by a dread lord
they have full ups
3 attack upgrades, 3 defense upgrades
unholy aura
vampyric aura
they own.
they're fuckin machines
with everything going full blast
they Won't die
and if they manage to kill the dread lord
and then with the vampyric aura gone kill some ghouls
so fucking what?
ghouls are 120 gold a pop
psh, easy shit

yes, my life Is this boring and pathetic
now go away
i don't want you to feel sorry for me
i don't want your sympathy

don't want your sympathy or empathy
don't want your sympathy i'm tired of me
don't want your sympathy or empathy
don't want it.. NOW!

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: mushroomhead - second thoughts

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February 13th, 2004

04:46 pm - killing the butterflies in my stomach
i'm kind of nervous saying all this
but.. i'm not going to hold back
this is what i was hiding from you...

the thing that's been fucking me up the most
isn't human. it's canine
dogs. specifically, 3
foxy, bear, sara
april's dogs.
i am INSANELY jealous of them
april shows them in big dog shows
wins awards
and loves them to death
and they love her, too
so.. it's now a competition of sorts
even if it's not, it sure as fuck feels like it
feels like i'm competing for the love of my girlfriend
with her dogs.
and.. i don't think i'm winning.
i don't think it's close.
i think they're utterly decimating me.
she loves them more than life itself man
and it pisses me off.
not the fact that she loves her dogs
but that they're winning
you'll have to forgive me if the idea of
getting to kiss my girlfriend
only after her dogs have
is oh so slightly enraging..

don't get me wrong, there are always some things
that you love and need in a completely different way
for me it's music, for april it's her dogs
but.. my bass and my cd's don't love me back
that right there is the difference

i didn't want to say this to anyone
because i'm afraid of the possible results
even if it's true, i don't want to hear that she Does love them more than me
but.. i'll have to.
i just want to hear the truth
so that it will stop fucking me up
i don't want to ask her to say it though
because i don't want her to have to choose
so.. this is by no means
me asking her to choose between me or her dogs
this is simply me writing down
what has been running rampant through my mind
i don't expect an answer
and won't be upset if i dont' get one
i just wanted to write it
and have people read it
and see.
that's all.

i'm sorry
but i feel alot better
and i haven't even pressed 'update' yet
so i know this is the right thing to do to relieve a little stress for me

i love you, april.
Current Mood: uncomfortable
Current Music: nine inch nails - march of the pigs

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February 11th, 2004

10:26 pm - (|-|40$ (0|\|7r01, 13y7(|-|
You are a Khaos angel. You are different from all
the rest. You are a special breed of angel,
prone to suffer in the world that you are in
now. No matter how much you try to believe that
your not special, you are. There is alot that
you want to do in this world. Khaos angels are
very dramatic, we tend to have the ability to
cheer people up no matter what the mood, and
hold in your emotions. You should be proud,
Khaos angels are very rare to find in this
world of ours...

What Different Kind of Angel are you...? ( Anime-ish pics )
brought to you by Quizilla
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: southpark stuff

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February 10th, 2004

11:15 pm - giant robot theme!
yes, quite.
and i have arrived
praise me
for i am the Reason.
i Am the purpose.

i have come to a startling conclusion here.
as stated before... i don't really care if i offend anyone
you may swim laps in your 'opinions' all you want
i don't care
but buckethead is a much better guitar and songwriter
than jack white could ever hope to be.
the white stripes' excuse of a live show
on the grammies was apalling
i reaspected them alot more than i do now
if a band can't perform live than they suck.
end of it.
a band gets famous through having great live shows
there is NO other way to get famous and signed
if you have no cd's, you can't be good on them
it's how you do everything in a band.
if you can't play live and you're famous,
then you cheated or bribed Somewhere along the lines

the white stripes... cannot play live.
between their performance at the grammies
and what i've heard of them since then
their cd's are good.. but they suck live.

my parents were in complete Shock at the horrific drumming
i.. can't blame them
meg white isn't even better than kittie from m.s.i.
i focussed on looking at jack

jack slipped.
he slipped.
slipping is an AMATURE MISTAKE
if you've been playing for 2 years or more,
you don't slip
it doesn't happen
it's an anomoly
i clearly saw it in seven nation army
he went to hit the 2nd fret on the A string
and.. he missed
he twitched and hit the 3rd fret on E instead
and it showed.
it showed like a motherfucker.

i'm not even going to comment on the last minute pile of notes
called "death letter"
it sounded like a mediocre garage band jamming with horrific songs
like they weren't even playing together anymore
no sense of beat
and no bass
it had no bass
if you're going to play in a band without a bassist
that's fine
i don't care much
as long as you have the bass Quality in the music
on cd, they do
but whether they were cheap or foolish,
they didn't have the prerecorded guitar tracks live
their music normally has about 5 guitar tracks
played simultaneously, it grants a bass quality to their music
they left out 4 of the tracks live
and played only 1
go to your stereo
turn the bass all the way down and the treble all the way up
and you have the tonal quality of the white stripes

for the other half of the above statement,
buckethead ownz.
he played wearing a plastic mask
and an upside down kfc bucket on his head
in a yellow rainsuit
and he ownz.
he takes oldskool hardcore elements
blistering solo's, heavy riffs,
distortion out the ass
and puts it in a new place
his stuff is mostly a drum machine and synth
with him playing guitar over it
1 man band.
he's technical too
technical out the ass
check out "giant robot theme"
it starts off slow
and there are 3 tracks
a synth playing a beat
a drum machine with the drumline
and then buckethead's guitar
playing a melody
it's slow
halfway through the song, it cuts out for about 5 seconds
it picks back up
no synth
a guitar track
playing oldskool hard and heavy thrash background riffs
but they're upbeat
high sounding
same melody overtop of this
it's a demonstration of how but one track can determine the entire tone of the song
everything matters in music
buckethead will prove this to you
the fact he constantly collaborates with guns'n'roses and primus
only helps my case
les claypool is THE REASON why the white stripes need a bassist
he can't be beaten
he's technical,
upbeat or downbeat,
whatever the hell he wants
he can do it all
and if you wanna talk funk,
get the fuck out of the house
claypool is your god

in conclusion,
buckethead is everything jack white could ever wish to be
but, once again...
the people with a simplistic style
and less complexity, less skill
get world fame
while the true experts don't
but... buckethead doesn't complain
he's happy here
i admire him for that

you hate me now.
i laugh.
you grant me Way too much control.
but.. i am never wrong.

i'm not a Bad person for ragging on someone
i have opinions
just like you
just because my opinions aren't the Same as yours
and go Against yours
doesn't make me closed-minded
or mean
or anything like that
it makes me a human
when will you fuckers ever learn?

in other news.. nothing
grades sucked ass
more important things than that
i've learned a buncha primus songs lately:
Welcome to this World

i can play them all front to back
i know them biatch

i bought pork soda
it's pretty damn good
put me on a primus binge
taught me those songs

i beat sonic heroes tonight
got and beat last story mode
it told me to get all A ranks now
Fuck that fucking shit
i'm satisfied here
i've played as supersonic
and fought mecha sonic
although.. i wish i got to fight him small
he immediately transformed into a giant metal dragon
when i destroyed that he was done
i wanted to fight his more sonic-like form
damn it
oh well

this was a long post.
and i'm sure a few of you are either pissed
or hate me
or whatever
just.. consider this
1) i honestly don't Care if you hate me because of what i said.
that doesn't make Me a bad person. it makes You a bad person,
if anything.
just know, i have a right to say an believe whatever i want.
and if you hate me for this... it's not My fault or my problem.
it's You intruding on my beliefs. persecuting me for thinking what i want?
how nazi..
2)i'll laugh and be an arrogant bitch now. because i know i'm right.
and i firmly believe that deep inside.. you all know i'm right, too.

and it is bed time.
i needed to get that shit off my chest.
i feel better now.
i'm not sorry, and won't say i am.
i meant every word.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: buckethead - giant robot theme

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February 6th, 2004

12:15 pm - i'm not the one that wreeks of rejection..
it's been a little while
main thing currently: mono
april almost definately has it
i might, but i highly doubt it
we went out 5 days before she started feeling sick
i probably gave it to her
she was researching it and found that you can have it
without showing any signs of it at all
so i probably had it like that and gave it to her
i can't see her until her symptoms go away
i won't kiss her for a month or 2 after that
this really sucks
april thought i was pissed off at her
i wasn't. it's not her fault.
i just want her to get better
and not have to wait a month
goddamn it
oh well
what can we do?
gonna wait it out...

no school today
cuzza ice
i do nothing but piss off sean
i need more matches
i miss my incense

i love spineshank
but not as much as i love april
i really want her to get well soon

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: spineshank - violent moodswings

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January 31st, 2004

11:06 am - bender
now that you've found out
somewhat about me
i wonder how long it will be
until you leave

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